Read a trashy novel, wear sparkly shoes

Kate Middleton Post-Baby is Already Skinnier Than You

-Yahoo Shine headline

Poison.

This kind of "news" piece attacks the reader emotionally and directly by:

• perpetuating competition about body size/shape/type
• shaming mothers and fathers who have not lost "the baby weight"
• equating being skinny with being rich, famous, beautiful, and well-loved
• perpetuating the notion that being healthy and/or thin has a deadline

You don't have to put up with it. Stop reading this shit. It's poison.

There is a lot of pressure inside your head. There are classes to go to; bills to pay; blind dates to go on; deadlines to meet; medication to take; treadmills to pile clothes onto; people to avoid. You don't need this. Just stop it. Read sciencey stuff, especially about how big the universe is. Read about gorillas who are best friends with tiny domestic pets. Read stories about people being nice to other people on airplanes. Listen to plinky plunky music that relaxes you. Listen to peppy crap that makes you smile and sing along. Listen to comedians. Watch videos of several babies laughing at the same time. Watch old people holding hands. Watch kittens and puppies, preferably together, while they run and play and do adorable tiny things.

Stop letting this insane body competition trick you into hating yourself. You're fine. You've got problems, sure, but your very existence is next to impossible. Think of amazing stuff like that. Don't think about this "50 Ways That Frowning Makes You Gain Weight" bullshit. It's fake and it's poison. It's cancer of the spirit. Just cut it out of your life.

Have a cookie. Get your nails done. Punch a pillow.



P.S. I actually read the article and I was struck by something pretty disgusting: "More surprising, we suppose (though, considering her clearly alien genetics, maybe it's not that shocking), she appears to already be back to her pre-baby weight."

So we love Kate. We want to be just like her. She's chic and young and in love and super rich. But she's an alien and we can never ever be like her. It's impossible. But try anyway. Because you love her. You hate her.

Stop it.